Money Schemes and Manorexia

"And that's when the whores come in"

I present to you, Karl Lagerfeld, the myth, the legend, and the poster child of Manorexia.

• I've seen Karl Lagerfeld's creepy photos pop up on Go Fug Yourself from time to time, but I really didn't have a true appreciation for who this character was until I did some research. He's a german fashion designer, who is currently the director of fashion houses for both Chanel and Fendi. He is iconically always dressed in black, with completely white hair, and black sunglasses (ie if you saw him on the streets you'd think he was cray cray). From my reading he seemed to make his name by designing a lot of things that were "ground breaking" but not well received like cocktail dresses showing too much skin, skirts that were too short, and using strippers to model his black and white collection for Fendi. Given this ridiculous résumé, I'm shocked that he and I have not met sooner. On top of that, PETA probably wouldn't mind him dead or alive, after he claimed that wearing leather and fur is acceptable in our meat-eating society because our ancestors grew up with an understanding that these animals would kill us if we didn't kill them first. I'm obsessed with PETA's response which was, "Lagerfeld seems particularly delusion with his kill-or-be killed mentality. When was the last time a person's life was threatened by a mink or rabbit" (the source of all sources).

MAY NO MINK GO UNSKINNED 

So, to put it all in perspective, if Karl Lagerfeld was on project runway, he would design only things that are slutty and black, despite Heidi and Tim Gunn's continuous disapproval of his early designs, and demand that all of his models be strippers. Heidi would admit to really disliking him during the judging, and Michael Koors would comment on what a ridiculous attitude problem he has and that "slutty" should never be confused for "chic". Nina would inevitably state this his refusal to remove his dark sunglasses makes her wonder if he's wanted in all 50 states and gives her the creeps.

"At least someone understands my slutty vision"

So where is all this going? A common question you have to ask when reading my word vomit, well I received a tip off from a particularly awesome blog follower, who informed me that Diet Coke has actually asked Lagerfeld to design their new bottles. WTF. This is really the "image" they want associated with their company? Apparently the relationship goes a bit deeper than I realized. In 2001 Lagerfeld lost 96 pounds by drinking only diet coke (and probably doing coke) in order to fit into the clothing styles meant for "slimmer boys", and thus the "Karl Lagerfeld Diet" was born. Wow, if that's not a RAGING case of manorexia, than I don't know what that is. If I lost 96 pounds I'd be back at my birth weight... which is more a testament to how fat I was as a fetus/newborn more than anything.  Now, on a serious note, manorexia (male form of anorexia in case that isn't explicitly obvious to you) is no joke, so it's pretty ridiculous that Coca Cola sees this as a goldmine, instead of a deeply disturbing case of narcissism with a side of body image problems. If you ask me, this sounds like a some sort of sketchy Ron Talley "money schemes" kind of project.

Manorexia and Money Making

So think twice before you are lured by these pink and silvery Diet Coke creations...as they have created a monster and you are likely to end up morphing into a mini Karl if you aren't careful.