BAG OF THE WEEK: Commanding Royal Respect

Kiss #2- apparently you do this when you like the person you're marrying 

So I'm going to assume you all watched the Royal Wedding today. I actually spent the whole two hours of class I had this morning streaming it on my computer. I think the best part was the facilitator kept calling on my friend sitting next to me (who wasn't watching the wedding) to answer questions since he thought she was being too quiet, while I sat there mesmerized by my screen, only piping up to talk when something failed to interest me (or more like when those choir boys popped up on the screen because I genuinely felt bad for them and what they had to wear).

I hate my mom for making me wear this and smile at these creepy old royals

Part of me wants to pat myself on the back for being so stealth, but the other half of me wonders why he didn't call me out for not talking- maybe because I never shut up, and for once he was relieved that he didn't have to cut me off. Eh whatever. So several thoughts on all this wedding business, I like to pretend I hate weddings, but I cried like a damn fool during my sister's, mean while I don't even know if she shed any tears, but let's be honest, I was too busy crying look an idiot. So I got a little teary eyed when I saw Prince William clearly checking out his hot bride and making her laugh, SEE ALL YOU ROYALTY FOOLS, MARRYING A COMMONER IS WAY BETTER cause you might ACTUALLY  like that person and your chances of having inbred children decreases DRAMATICALLY. It's about evolution people, and you just aren't genetically fit when you're making babies with your cousins cause then everyone ends up with hemophilia (if you aren't unaware of Queen Victoria and her role in the royal hemophilia epidemic, then, per usual, I tell you to EDUCATE YOURSELVES).

Damn girl, genetic variation never looked so good

       So I think we can all agree Kate Middleton looked beautiful, although really girl, you don't have someone do your hair and makeup when the wedding costs like 80 million pounds or god knows what? I mean she looked good, but still, now is not the time to cut corners where it matters, and, judging by the camera, it was her face that mattered the WHOLE TIME. Meanwhile, I wish someone had bathed her sister cause that's either an aggressive spray tan job of snookie status, or she literally rolled in mud. Kate's dress was pretty, given the limitations of having to be conservative and what not, and it was definitely classy. Apparently she had it designed to mimic the Grayce Kelly's dress, so I respect a woman with some fashion and historical insight.

Pippa: "Sis why are you waving at me?"
Kate: "Oh shit I thought you were Snooki and I got really excited for the celebrity spotting"

Le Inspiration: Kate on the left, Kelly on the right

But, in speaking to my friend today, we both sat there and agreed it needed something MORE. All these rules and regulations and conservative bla bla bla associated with the royal family, must really suck, but I'm pretty sure for a family that has crown jewels and family portraits of relatives draped in ermine and gold, extravagance is definitely allowed and encouraged. I mean really, no gold or dramatic diamonds? Every woman on their wedding day wants to look like a princess, now you are a damn princess (well I guess Dutchess for the time being), and you don't even dress the part? I know many of you may disagree with me, but if you knew me, you would also not be surprised.

The Queen of England rocking the ermine and bling bling

I'm just saying Kate, a number like this would have matched the rock on your finger 

      So to combat all this repressive conservativism, I've chosen to feature some obnoxiously sequined and metallic bags, because had I been a guest at the royal wedding (I had to cancel at the last minute, they were very sad to not have my in attendance, but I told them that PBL NEEDS ME) then I would have rocked one of these ridiculous items. Oh please, like those foolish hats are any better than what I'm about to show you, at least you won't look like Mad Hatter-Lady Gaga wannabes when you wear one of these.

Damn, I totally should have worn a meat dress to stand out, all these bitches look just as MAD as I do, NOW PRINCE HARRY WILL NEVER NOTICE ME!!!!

So COMMAND that attention- and who knew, that Le Sporte, of all companies would be in such support of my commanding presence?

LeSportsact "Sequined Small Passerby Tote"
$88
click on the link above

LeSportsac "Crackled Small Passerby Tote"
$88
click on the link above