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| Is this outfit an elaborate metaphor for escaping the confines of your marriage? |
I'm always amazed how much the world goes to shit when I'm not blogging. Like seriously, Heidi Klum gets divorced and starts dressing like a mechanic, someone let Lindsey Lohan make a public appearance, and someone let Rush Limbaugh speak...again. The worst part about all of it, is that Lindsey was the least embarrassing of all the aforementioned- go figure. Here Comes Midnight, Bitch pretty much the best thing that's come out of her mouth in the last five years.
But alas, back to my post for the week... I'm a little rusty, so please excuse me. So I've wanted to write this post for awhile because I feel like I've abandoned my loyal males. I decided it's an important part of male fashion education to understand what colors do and DON'T work on certain skin types. I've decided to use a modified version of the Pregnancy Drug Classification Scheme to best portray my feelings. This post may or may not exist just so I can post pictures of guys I think are hot... I'm fine with it.
Class A: Hot- you should basically buy fifty shirts in these colors
Class B: Suitable enough, there's no definitive research to prove that you shouldn't wear this color
Class D: This is not a great color, but if all your clothes are dirty, and the pros of needing to wear clothes outweigh the cons of showing up naked, then you can opt for this color
Class X: Contraindicated under ALL circumstances, you're basically warfarin during pregnancy... for those of you who are non-medical, a better comparison would be "it's like drinking and driving... doesn't end well for anyone"
Black Guys
General rule of thumb is that you can wear whatever you want... I don't know who to properly thank for creating that unspoken rule, but I'm going to give Jimmy Hendrix some credit for it. I mean what other dude can rock a velvet jacket and not be shunned... ask my roommate, she knows first hand.
Class | Colors |
A | · Lavendar- I LOVE ME A BLACK MAN IN SOME LAVENDER · Pastels in general · Kelly green · Bright yellow · Christian Louboutin Red · GOLD · Bombay Sapphire Blue |
B | · Gray · White · Slate gray · Orange |
D | · Navy · Black |
X | · Maroon · Brown |
Tan/Olive Toned/AZN/INDIAN:
I know this seems like a broad part of the global population, but whatever you're all the same, and you should just be grateful that you hit the genetic melanin jackpot. You should also give me your # because I marry for melanin.. money is overrated these days anyway.
Class | Colors |
A | · Pastels · Purple – all shades · Deep Blue · Black · White · Red · Kelly green or emerald green · Orange · Pink |
B | · Slate gray · Royal blue · Gray |
D | · Bright yellow · Neon green |
X | · Brown · Maroon |
White Blonde Guys-
I basically envisioned David Beckham when I created this category, so if you don't look like him, sorry, you are shit out of luck. But, if you're lucky enough to have blue or green eyes, you can at least bank on marching your shirt appropriately. Some tatts would help too.
Class | Colors |
A | · Bold Primary colors- red, blue, yellow · Gray · Blue · Green · White |
B | · Brown · Dark gray · Darker purples |
D | · Pastel pink · Black · red |
X | · yellow |
Gingers
Well, I pretty much considered this to be a hopeless category (you can thank carrot top for this), but god knows I don't want you running around naked. So let's agree on a few rules so we can all get along- when it comes to the rainbow (ROY G BIV) JUST FORGET THAT ROY ever existed. And be weary of the color green, especially in march, leprechauns are only accepted at Notre Dame Football games or if you have LOTS of gold.
Class | Colors |
A | · Navy · Blue · White |
B | · Gray · Black · purple |
D | · green |
X | · Red · Yellow · Orange · Brown · Light pink · Maroon |
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