I figured the best place to pick up where I left off was to address a very serious issue we are all facing- What the hell do I wear for the holidays. If you're like me, you're closet is about as polarized as the political milieu of our country (an odd analogy to most, but most of you don't have father's who are passionately dedicated to soaking up every morsel of republican propaganda that streams across the television). I feel like I have my whorish republican dresses on the right and my liberal hoodies and jeans on the left, with very little in between. Why, you may wonder, are my slutty dresses considered "republican", but seriously, have you not seen some of the shit Sarah Palin walks around in? Her pleather knee high boots still burn in my memory. And then there's Michele Bachmann, who make's Janice Dickinson's smacking fake lips look like sanity. Being the ridiculous person that I am, I rarely find myself drawn to the conservative or "classic" outfits that would be Christmas appropriate since party dresses are far more enticing. Plus, even if you have a backup black skirt or simple black dress you keep for occasions like this, there are times when the dark days of winter catch up with you and the next thing you realize is that the only think you're packing in that trunk of yours is junk instead of Christmas presents.
I'd like to share a lovely personal experience I once had with this situation so 1. you can rest assured someone understands your plight, and 2. you won't make the same mistake that I once did. So it was freshman year of college, and I made the trek back home for Thanksgiving. I was patting myself on the back for somehow managing to survive the weekly tailgating on football weekends while still doing very well in school. Of course, my waist line did not fair quite as well. So there I was, struggling before thanksgiving dinner to figure out what the hell I could squeeze my no longer size 0-2 body into. I started frantically going through old clothes in my closet since I didn't have enough foresight to pack properly before coming home. Skirt... some sort of top... heels... yeah whatever this should work. I trotted my fatass down the stairs to greet the family, and my soon to be brother-in-law. After taking one look at my black pleated too-short-because-my-ass-was-hoisting-it-up skirt and some weird three quarter length pink striped jacket and black suede pointy toe shoes, my lovely future brother-in-law turned to my sister whispered, "I didn't know it was THAT kind of Thanksgiving."
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| The horrified look on Piglet's face says it all... sorry for the awkward head chop, I have to preserve some identity ambiguity |
So, lovers, I am here to make sure it isn't THAT kind of Christmas, and even though you may be in a tizzy because Christmas is days away, there is TIME and SALES for you yet, even if it means taking a few bitches down at the mall to get your hands on something respectable. These are the best options I can find, and remember, LESS IS MORE, that's why God made accessories.
Lace is one of my favorite things for the holidays. Black lace is always classic, elegant, and very in season this year. But there is even a place for cream or neutral colored lace items, which always look good with black tights... so you aren't flashing the goods when you bend over to pick up your sister's puppy, not that I know anyone who would do that. These are my top pics under $200.
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| Madewell "Lily Lace Dress" $158.00 CLICK HERE or go to www.madewell.com |
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| Urban Outfitter's "Coincidence & Change Revel Dress" $79.00 CLICK HERE or go to www.urbanoutfitters.com |
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| Madewell "Flowerlace Slipdress" $158.00 CLICK HERE or go to www.madewell.com |
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| White House Black Market "Lace Sheath Dress" $178.00 CLICK HERE or go to www.whitehouseblackmarket.com |
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| Anthropologie "Dulcie Dress" $158.00 CLICK HERE or go to www.anthropologie.com |
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| Urban Outfitters "Pins and Needles Lurex & Lace Dress" $79.00 CLICK HERE or go to www.urbanoutfitters.com |
Simple Dresses with bold color are also a favorite of mine, since color alone can make a statement. And since most of us haven't seen the sun, sunless tanner, or tanning beds in a long long time, a little color brightens up a pale complexion.
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| Express "Ruffle Front Dress" $79.90 CLICK HERE or go to www.express.com |
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| J.Crew "Women's Wool Sweater-Dress" $168.00 CLICK HERE or go to www.jcrew.com |
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| Theme "Cocktail Dress" $54.50 CLICK HERE or go to www.piperlime.com |
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| Anthropologie "Hourglass Form Dress" $168.00 CLICK HERE or go to www.anthropologie.com |
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| Aqua "V Neck Color Block" Dress $88 CLICK HERE or go to www.bloomingdales.com |
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| J. Crew "No.2 Pencil Skirt in Double-Serge Wool" $120.00 CLICK HERE or go to www.jcrew.com |
Like any of you expected me to actually discuss clothes without mentioning something shiny, sequined, or metallic. I STRONGLY believe that everyone needs a little holidazzle for the season, and nothing does it better than simple, understated, black sequin or a black dress with some bedazzled detail. Throw a sweater over it to dial it down in church, or don't. And if you're feeling a bit more daring, you can always rock a metallic jacquard or casual glitter skirt.
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| Aqua "Sequin Cowlneck Dress" $100.80 CLICK HERE or go to www.bloomingdales.com |
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| Banana Republic "Bijoux Sheath Dress" $119.99 CLICK HERE or go to www.bananarepublic.com |
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| The Limited "High Waist Metallic Pencil Skirt" $79.90 CLICK HERE or go to www.thelimited.com |
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| Aqua "Sleeveless Necklace Dress" $100.80 CLICK HERE or go to www.bloomingdales.com |
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| Aqua "Sleeveless Metallic Dress" $64.80 CLICK HERE or go to www.bloomingdales.com |
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| Madewell "Golden Glitter Skirt" $88.00 CLICK HERE or go to www.madewell.com |
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| J. Crew "Sequin Mesh Bell Skirt" $148.00 CLICK HERE or go to www.jcrew.com |
Granted my perspective is probably severely skewed, but I still think leopard print is acceptable winter wear. So whether it's an accessory or a whole dress, it shouldn't just be cougars who are allowed to claim territory over the leopard print this holiday season.
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| J. Crew "Leopard Sweater Dress" $149.99 CLICK HERE or go to www.jcrew.com |
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| Aqua "Leopard Print Dress" $88.00 CLICK HERE or go to www.bloomingdales.com |
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| BCBGeneration "Cross Pleat Dress" $88.90 CLICK HERE or go to www.piperlime.com |
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| J. Crew "No. 2 Pencil Skirt in Leopard" $98.00 CLICK HERE or go to www.jcrew.com |
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| Sam Edelman "Portney" Shoe $109.99 CLICK HERE or go to www.piperlime.com |
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| Cynthia Vincent "Pouch" $58.99 CLICK HERE or go to www.piperlime.com |
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| Banana Republic "Jeweled Clasp Clutch" $79.99 CLICK HERE or go to www.bananarepublic.om |
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